Aleph

I note that Hilal, next to me, is starting to feel uneasy.
‘Relations from the past don’t interest me. We are here in the present. In Novossibirsk, you asked me for forgiveness and I granted it to you. Now I am asking you : tell me that you love me.’

I take her hand.
‘You see this river in front of us? Well, in the living room of my apartment there is a painting with a rose placed in a river similar to that one. Half of the painting has been damaged by the waters and exposed to the elements in such a way that the edges are uneven, yet, I still see a part of the beautiful rose painted on a golden background.

‘I know the artist. In 2003, we went together in a forest in the Pyrenees, we discovered the stream, who at the time was dry and we hid the canvas under the stones which covered its banks.
‘The artist is my wife. Right now, she is physically thousands of kilometers from here, she is asleep because the day has not risen in her town; whereas it is already 4pm here. We have been together for more than a quarter century when I met her I was convinced that our relationship would not last. The first two years, I was always ready for one of us to leave.
The next following years, I kept thinking that we were only used to one another and soon we will be aware of that and each one will become master of our own fate,. I was convinced that more serious commitment will deprived me of my ‘freedom’ and will prevent me from living my life.
‘I understand and I respect it, said Hilal. But you mentioned in the restaurant, when referring to the past : Love is stronger, Love is bigger than anyone.’
‘Yes, but love is made of choices.’

We are watching the river together.

‘The absence of answer is also an answer. She remarks.
I hold her close to me and put her head on my shoulder.
‘I love you . I love you because all the loves in the world are like different rivers flowing towards the same lake, where they meet and transform themselves in a unique love that becomes rain and blesses the earth.

‘I love you like a river that sets up the conditions for the vegetation and the flowers to grow on its passage.
I love you like a river that gives a drink to the one who is thirsty and carries the people where they want to go.

‘I love you like a river that understands that its course must be different in a waterfall and learns to quieten down in a depression of the ground. I love you because we are all born in the same place, at the same source that keeps feeding us from a water always more generous. So that, when we are weak, we have nothing else to do than to wait. Spring comes back, the winter snows melt and replenish us with a new energy.
‘I love you like a river that starts alone and fragile in a mountain and gradually meet up with other rivers that move forward and then, at a determined time, can get around the obstacles to get where it wants to go.
‘Then, I receive your love and I offer you mine. Not the love of a man for a woman , not the love of a father for a daughter, not the love of God for its creatures. But a nameless love, without explanation, like a river that cannot explains its course, only to go forward.

‘A love that asks for nothing and does not give anything in exchange, but simply expresses itself. I will never be yours, you will never be mine, even so, I can say ‘I love you, I love you, I love you.’

Maybe it was the afternoon, maybe the light, but at that precise moment, the Universe seemed to be in harmony at last.

We remained seated there, without the least need to return to the Hotel where Yao was already waiting for me